By Cam Kashani, award-nominated Divine Feminine Leadership Coach and inspirational speaker. Creator of Beauty of You: Transform How You Relate to the Mirror.
Society conditions us to believe that being empowered, beautiful and successful means to appear powerful and a certain way on the outside, but it does not speak about the process on the inside.
We are exposed to the “bright and shiny,” the money, the cars, the “success,” but how do these people feel on a daily basis? What is their inner experience of life? Are they truly happy? Or are they putting on a smile for the ‘gram, and then falling victim to a negative mindset?
If you want to be truly empowered and experience authentic (from the inside out) success, it all stems from within.
More than ever, we are allowing society to bully us into one standard of beauty. Many of us are flocking to alter our appearance on a daily basis, and the issue here is not with wanting to be better or healthier; the issue is that they are coming from a mindset of “Something is wrong with me… fix me” and “I’ll be happy when…” First of all, you will never be happy when you are chasing happiness; it comes from within. And, second, there’s nothing wrong with anyone. This is a lie we have all bought into. The truth is we are all beautiful, empowered beings as we are, and society is the liar. So it’s time to stop falling victim to society’s rules and standards, and it’s time to create our own.
What gives me the right to say this? Because I was a victim to society’s standards for most of my life, and it took everything in my power to say enough. And once I did, I finally felt free. I finally released the shackles of needing to be or look a certain way and allowed myself to authentically be myself — and holy wow, was it life-changing. We all deserve to live freely and authentically and to love ourselves just as we are. It’s society that tries to tell us otherwise.
Here’s a little more about my story. I grew up as “the fat girl.” That was my identity and who I knew myself to be. I hated it, and I hated me. I wanted to be skinny like all the other girls around me who were my age. I wanted to comfortably and confidently wear fitted clothing. But that wasn’t how I or others saw me, and so I decided I didn’t belong. I was bullied all through my school years. I developed eating disorders and an addiction to Adderall — all to be “successful and thin” while being absolutely miserable on the inside. Even when I lost the weight, I still thought something was “wrong” with me. My body shame ran to the depth of my core, and it took a lot of inner work to finally break free.
Body shame is a significant problem in society. How can you be authentically successful and empowered when you go home at night and look in the mirror and don’t love what you see? That person staring back at you is you. If you don’t love yourself, and I mean all parts of you, unconditionally, then what’s the point of being successful? You are not experiencing true success and empowerment when there is a disconnect that stems from within.
So how did I get out of it? How did I heal all this? A few ways:
• Mirror work
• Inner child work
• Recreating my inner dialogue into a voice that empowers instead of hinders
• Creating my own definition of beauty
Imagine what it would look like if every day you thought about yourself in a positive light and that you had your own definition of beauty instead of what society pours down your throat. Who decided what’s beautiful, anyways? Chances are, if you are reading this, you are a powerful human being and do not appreciate anyone telling you what to do. So why are you allowing society to tell you what to do and who to be? Why are you allowing them to bully you into believing that who you are right now in this very moment isn’t absolutely perfect and worthy?
For clarification, I am not saying to be complacent, and I am not saying don’t improve yourself; I work on myself every single day to better myself and become the best version of myself. The real question comes down to: Can you love yourself right now, in this very moment, regardless of what you want to work on?
It’s not your fault that this is societal programming, but it is absolutely your responsibility to do the work and make the shift. And it’s totally possible. Look at my story. I went from sad and disempowered to empowered and loving myself unapologetically.
It’s time to put an end to this. It’s time to look at yourself and love yourself. It’s time to let your true inner power shine through. If I can do it, so can you. I believe in you.
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